48 Random Questions

A friend of mine asked me to do this. I answered pretty quickly to all so it took about 10 minutes. thoughts?


1) Who is your favorite television celebrity from the days of Black and White?
Jackie Gleason

2) What is your favorite volume of the Encyclopedia Brittanica?
X-Y-Z

3) If your life was a reality show, what would it be titled?
My Suburban Nightmare.

4) What Biblical character would you be?
Peter. duh.

5) What is your favorite minority holiday?
that's sort of a racist question, but it would be cinco de mustache.

6) If you were a totem pole what animal would you be and where would you be positioned?
an eagle and on the top.

7) Curtains or blinds?
blurtains.

8) What comes to mind when you smell dirty socks?
tour.

9) If you could choose any celebrity to be your roommate who would you choose?
any openly gay celeb. gay guys are clean and won't try to steal your chicks.

10) You invent a smoothie. What is in it?
whiskey.

11) If you were part of a balcony would you be the railing or the lounge chair?
i would be the carpet.

12) If you could only use one cooking utensil for the rest of your life which utensil would it be?
a spatula.

13) What is the most ridiculous dance craze you've ever been a part of?
the macarana

14) If you could name a hockey team what would you name it?
The Mother Puckers.

15) What's one invention you can't believe we didn't have until after landing a man on the moon?
we never landed on the moon so that's a trick question.

16) What is the funniest pattern for a button up tourist shirt?
dicks.

17) If the world were backwards and animals owned humans, what kind of animal would you want to be your master?
probably a turkey.

18) If teleportation was possible to where would you most often teleport?
home.

19) What five items are a necessity in your hurricane survival kit?
a lighter, a bong, some marijuana seeds, some wheat seeds and super glue.

20) If your finger could dispense one condiment what condiment would you dispense?
blue cheese!

21) What is your ideal cracker flavor?
who you callin a cracker, honkey?

22) If you suddenly had wheels for feet what is the first thing you would do?
go through taco bell drive thru.

23) One celebrity who is famous for a reason I still haven't discovered is perez hilton.

24) What is your favorite 1980's cartoon?
inch high private eye

25) What was your favorite after school show?
seasame street, but when i was a kid. pre elmo.

26) What do you believe a training bra is training for?
training...uh...boobs?

27) If you could put a zipper on any article of clothing what article would you choose?
training bras.

28) If you could scream anything at a bad driver what would it be?
we have to reword this question to "so you have screamed every combination of bad words possible at bad drivers. would you do it again?" the answer would be abso-fucking-lutely.

29) What's your favorite animal that often appears in Native American folklore?
the indians.

30) If you could only use floor lamps for lighting your home for the rest of your life, how tall would you like the lamp to be?
6 foot 5 inches.

31) If you owned a cereal company what current cereal would you purchase to sell as your own?
lucky charms.

32) Money is no longer an object for you. What country do you buy?
cuba. the cigars are too good.

33) If you could shrink any person and carry them in your pocket who would you shrink?
gary coleman. it'll take less time. i'm in a rush.

34) If people's knees bent the other direction what design would you give to chairs?
nothing. people sit in chairs reversed all the time.

35) You've been assigned to clean up an abandoned landfill. What's the first thing you do?
take a coffee break. hey! union rules...

36) If you could make a pillow out of any material what would you choose?
marijuana, but i'd probably smoke it.

37) If you started your own airline what would you name it?
Better Than Everyone Else Airways.

38) To what one city would your airline refuse to fly?
Albuquerque, New Mexico

39) If flowers weren't the norm for romanticism what item would you choose to symbolize love?
kittens.

40) How much midriff is too much?
it depends on the midriff.

41) If money didn't exist what would you use for currency?
sex. i'd be broke.

42) If you were stuck on a bus with the Brady Bunch and they insisted on singing and taking requests what song would you request in hopes that it would be so good they couldn't follow their own act and would stop singing.
their song "When It's Time To Change". Man. Peter KILLS!

43) If male and female weren't the only two sexes what would you call the third and what would make them different?
the third would be exactly like like a woman, except have a third boob.

44) You invent a new shape. What do you call it?
protangle.

45) If your life mirrored that of "Friends" which recurring character would you want to show up for sweeps week?
is ross a character? ross. i guess.

46) If you could eat at any television eatery which one would it be?
mel's diner from "Alice". Kiss My Grits.

47) If you could change your name to anything, to what would you change it?
Orenthal.

48) If you could change any past decision in your life would you?
yes. my answer to the last question. i'd change my name to Spencer.